console games, new year shopping trips, family dinners, lots of love and affection. valentine’s and our first anniversary is coming up sooon ^^
it aint any of my business. but i cannot suppress this feeling of unjust.
been sitting here for the past hour staring into the blanks, thinking. my time of rebellion started out later than my friends, ended sooner than some of theirs as well. but within these short few years, i picked up habits that should have been best left untouched, and done things that i aint proud of. but nevertheless, they taught me well. cliche as it always sound, it made me who i am today. however far from being an exemplary individual to look up to, and however much more i need to learn, i know i’ve at least been a better person than i was yesteryears.
though grateful for the mistakes made, chances given and actions taken, there are still time (albeit in minimal length) where i think these demons would consume me whole. old fears and ingrained cynicism do nothing to aid my cause in finding happiness. but no, i shall not be daunted and lose what i have rebuilt so far.
i know i make no sense. not if i am seven hours into my supposed slumber time.
0830 - 1130 and 1900 - 2200 lectures. how am i gonna survive in between ):
wake up to your eyes shining with love and adoration. feel so much more love for you with each day. you and me, us. its pretty damn overwhelming.
dreamt that i lost you through an automobile accident. been crying my eyes out since. i cannot lose you, i dont think i can survive. you have became such a big part of me that it really scares me…
bryan kenny and i at raffles city for new year’s eve dinner (:
2011 was ushered in with loose emotional ends and silly hopes of reunion. but for once an expiry date for matters of the heart finally meant something to this stubborn soul. the first two months were well spent appreciating all the kindred spirits who kept me afloat, and simultaneously keeping people of no interest at arm’s length. valentine’s was spent with my dearest of all best friend for the first time ever.
aching heart on a sleepless night, a chance appearance and so i struck conversation with a crush from long ago. there was no helping it, he piqued my interest yet again. the non awkward first date after seven years of absence.
march came with the promise of fresh beginnings. school by day, him by night. his all weekend. a rainy dawn filled with sweet gestures and charged atmosphere. a kiss under my block. the conventional get together. “blessed” i said.
blessed suffered a sudden death when an old flame of his entwined herself with our april. we said goodbyes without letting go. “it’s only been less than a month, forgetting will be easy” everyone said. “No…” non existent status, but heart and bodies clearly still within reach.
my twenty third birthday came and went with no sign of a reconciliation. lost the hope but not the feeling nor the yearning. a patch materialized in the midst of exam. his birthday came and went. and it’s been clear blue skies since then. good food aplenty, many late but eventful nights, countless rounds of loving and friendly faces. life has yet to morph into the bitch it always was, so i pray to stay this way. for us all to be happy and healthy.
been spending the first two days of 2012 with kenny.. nothing to frown over, only everything to rave about
(Source: loveisliikemusic, via asdfghjkllove)
07:03 slept not a wink. gave up trying after an hour or two of tossing and turning. we survived the p.kit last week and now the first gush, praise lord. tired but still very much looking forward to my first fag. a few hours more to seeing kenny (:
